A Return to the Dark Past -- A Personal Exploration of Fatigue and Hopelessness -- How I Overcame Both

(Philosocom's Subcategory On the Past)

(Philosocom's Subcategory On Fatigue and Exhaustion)

(Subcategory Directory on Darkness)

Article Synopsis by Mr. O. C. Isaac

The article "A Return to the Dark Past: A Personal Exploration of Fatigue and Hopelessness -- How I Overcame Both" is a deeply personal and introspective exploration of Mr. Tomasio's journey through fatigue, hopelessness, and the eventual path to overcoming these struggles.

It is structured in a way that guides the reader through the emotional landscape of Mr. Tomasio's experiences, using vivid imagery and relatable metaphors to convey complex feelings and thoughts.

The article is rich with emotional depth and raw honesty, allowing readers to empathize with the author's journey.

The use of metaphors and imagery, particularly the comparison to the "Metallic Madness" level from a video game, provides a tangible and relatable way to understand the author's internal state and the consequences of their choices.

The well-structured narrative helps maintain the reader's interest and provides a logical flow to the narrative. This invites readers to ponder similar questions about fate, choices, and personal responsibility.

Despite the exploration of dark and challenging themes, the article ultimately conveys a message of resilience and hope.

The author's determination to seek victory and create a better future is inspiring, providing a sense of closure and optimism.

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(Background music)

We don't stay in the dark because our lives are too important to us. -- Mickey Eilon

Part I: A Metallic Life and Future

I've been haunted by the concept of choices, and the nature of the inevitable, ever since I was a child, as I made thought experiments regarding alternative realities. I was surprised to see how the same choices I made only lead to the intensity of similar outcomes.

As such, I needed to change myself, which I did.

The future is necessarily a product of the past and the present. Should we make the same awful decisions, we will become like that base. Cracked, broken, functional, perhaps, but unstable.

Sunday Blues

It was Sunday, late morning. I've being listening to a track I really like from a very old video game. The track is called "Metallic Madness Bad Future (JP version)".

The game itself is simple to explain. A time traveling game where your actions can lead to different timelines, either good or bad, from either the past or future.

The Madness of Dystopia

"Metallic Madness" is the final level of that game, meaning that even if you'll finish the game, you will still have a bad ending, if you made the decisions that caused you to be in a dystopian future.

It is a mechanical base that seems to be the unrelenting product of Dr. Eggman's whole genius. The description of the dystopian future version of it, is as follows:

In the bad future, Metallic Madness appears foreboding and in a state of great decay, as if it has been abandoned for years.

The machinery and surrounding walls and flooring have a rusted brownish-green hue to them, with a pitch black background illuminated with multi-colored mechanical pillars and countless computer consoles.

Though functional, many of the surrounding mechanisms -- if not the entire base itself -- appears cracked, broken, and desperately clinging onto whatever electrical power it can, as if in danger of shutting down at any time.

"Metallic Madness Bad Future" pulsed through the speakers of my computer. It symbolized my deepest fears, of being alone enough, to be forgotten by history. It was a soundtrack to a life derailed by my former desire to mask who I really am, in order to please others.

Interesting enough, the level's song, "Metallic Madness “B” mix", sang by an unknown entity, either by the genius or by his mentally unstable robot, Metal Sonic.

The song explores themes of powerlessness, despair, and a preordained fate, otherwise known as an inevitable possibility. It triggers feelings of helplessness and dread. The industrial soundscape creates a sense of alienation and impending doom.

Listening to this, I find myself quite contemplative when listening to this song. It makes me feel melancholic, knowing that my future might as well be sealed.

Despite The Tyranny of Circumstance

I largely quarantine myself, for I lack energies to show emotional empathy, so others wouldn't suffer by their own ignorant expectations.

Yet, I choose to live on, despite these exhaustions telling me I have no reason to move on, to focus on Philosocom relentlessly, to endure, and to live despite the struggle.

No. I seek victory, and I seek it with emotionless passion. And I seek it for you. I seek a good future, a better future.

Part II: Shame, a Years-Long Companion

The B Mix song mocked me, as I viewed it. "You can't do anything, so don't even try. Get some help," resonated with a horrifying truth. 

My overestimated potential, fueled by ambition and intellect, had been choked by my former self and its many weaknesses. 

In order to continue help others, which brings me the most meaning in this devoid reality, I had to regard my former quest for absolute peace, a great liability.

For my increasing ineptitude, I turned a broken man, whose promised future got away from him. A future I earned access to, and then lost. 

Part III: An Alternative Good Future

Yet, a flicker of defiance to "my fate" remained. Maybe amidst the melancholic melody, there was a chance to rewrite a different kind of future, not for myself, but for those who resonated with my struggle.

The "Bad Future" might be set in stone, but the power of shared experiences, of offering solace and understanding, could spark a new kind of legacy, either way.

For we may seek a better life, a better world.

“Birds of the same feathers flock together for their innate need for seed.” -- Seneca

Final Words: Navigating a Dark World

It seems that some conditions in life were inevitable, all because I was born. My genetics, my autism, and the gloomiest of them all – my high inclination to fatigue.

All in their own way made me an outcast, a recluse and a minority in this world. As such, If society condemns those who don't follow the script, why should I cooperate with it?

The fact that most of us are social creatures and operate according to a set of norms I am unaware of, frustrates me. It's like trying to decipher a language with no dictionary. The naturally asocial will suffer accordingly.

Yet, I'm not an alien, and I'm not from another world. I am a human being. A human who is I programmed to endure. People can leave me if they want, and I will live either way. The societal script programs to adore those who resonate with us and reject those who don't.

Should I ever find a way to connect and be understood, when the world will see the person beneath the "perceived alien-hood". Beyond the demographics, and beyond identity politics.

A better future, where the world is less grim, can stem from finding a way to bridge the gap between humanity' inner worlds. It is done by letting people finding their place a society that seems to have forgotten the meaning of accepting those who failed resonating with others.

As such, I support building a better world upon the former's ashen foundations.