Doing Versus Being -- The Philosophy of True Love
- Mr. Tomasio Rubinshtein
- Aug 1, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Apr 8
In essence, we are not whatever we're doing in life, and in a way, we might as well never be. Never truly, be, at least. Beyond the titles, the positions, and our relevance in this world, we are human beings. Beings who are in need of emotion, affection, and even love.
Understand the difference between being respected and being loved. Your status of respect is always relative to what you do. On the other hand, when someone loves you truly, they first and foremost love you for who you are, and not necessarily for what you do.
A man and his job are always separate. Even if the man provides, he does not become a being by providing, nor a "something." No. The human being already exists because they were born, and will stop existing once they're dead. No amount of hard work and contribution is going to change the fact that the human being will exist until their death.
Therefore, you do not become more of a person because of what you do. Your personhood is here to stay as long as you're alive. And respect is gained by your actions and contributions, and not because you are your own unique person. No one is simply going to respect you deeply because of who you are. And by "who you are," I refer to you as the very naked person you are. Beyond the social filtering, beyond the masks and costumes you put on yourself.
You put on these masks and costumes for certain aims. Because the social and professional worlds are forever political. You have to earn your keep, and you may want to get whatever you desire and need in life. That is only done through producing and generating proof for being respected. That includes money, of course. Because a hard-working person is a respectable one, even if they do not earn much, but still work hard, their relevance is proven by their efforts.
The mistake in our understanding may come when we think that in love, it's the same. In true love, it's not. True love does not require approval. You do not need to prove your relevance to the one who truly loves you. The truly loved is loved for the entirety of who they are, and do not require filters or to prove their value. For true love accepts you for whom you truly are.
You do not need to pretend and you do not need to use filters. You do not need to hide and lie in order to get your way. For in true love, all you need to do is to be yourself. Being yourself is the only necessary condition. Understand that doing other things is but an extra, not the necessity.
I would argue that true love is irrational. However, there are aspects in us humans that indeed are irrational.
We may use rationality to understand reality and to survive. But deep inside, there are impulsive, infantile aspects of ourselves that we repress in order to survive in a pretentious and professional society. A society that expects you to restrain yourself on a regular basis. Because society does not love you. If anything, it would only respect you, as long as you give it a good enough reason to do so.
You need to prove your worth to your boss, to your friends, to your customers, and even to workers of other companies. Sometimes you may even need to prove your worth to strangers in order to survive in this love-lacking human society.
It is difficult to explain true love because true love is more to be felt than to be explained. It's a matter of personal experience, far more than it is of logic. Nonetheless, humans are not entirely robotic in their beings.
They will not be fanatically consistent with rules and methods like a computer is able to do (and far better). No. Humans can easily deviate from their own philosophies of life, conscious or otherwise, because humans are not purely logical.
We are not purely logical because deep inside we are still children. "Infants," who want to be loved and cared for. For no amount of respect can compensate a life that's purely or mostly devoid of any affection from another being. Because you cannot be truly loved for who you are without respect. And respect is easily possible without the "being" aspect of yourself. All that it requires, necessarily, is the "doing" aspect of human life.
And I'm killing that part of myself to survive and to do my job. I am partially doing it, reluctantly.
True love is an action-independent relevance. It does not depend on any action you take, as long as it lasts. It is a very deep, emotionally irrational bond with another person, or vice versa, or together. It is irrational only because it is hard to explain properly. However, regardless of the rationale, remember that true love is one of the rarest emotions in this world. And since it feels so honest, it deserves to be one of the best emotions in the human hierarchy, for those who seek relevance and depth in this life.
Someone... taught me all of this. For psychological safety, that is all you need to know. Ever. I'm doing this professionally, and thus I now more strive to distinguish personal affairs and business. You are not here for my heart but for my rationality.
True love is not only an emotion, but also an action. It is something that you can choose to do, and others can choose to do for you. The decision of whether to truly love someone is in your hands, just as it is in theirs. But when either of you do it, the other person does not have to prove anything to you.
True love is something that is nurtured through interaction and consideration. It is always about the individual as they are themselves, and never about them in relation to other things or beings. That is why there is never love in politics, because it is always based on interests, not on the people involved.
A true lover might not even love you for your achievements, no matter how big or small they are. It does not matter if you have a job or an empire. They do not love your extra properties. They love you, and only you, for who you are. And they do not choose to love your actions, by loving you. Because when you are truly loved you are not a means to an end! You are the end!
So when someone dares to say that you have their heart, never take it lightly!
You just need to love yourself first. Because when you do so, you do not see yourself as a problem. Those who hate themselves do so because they fail to accept themselves. And how can others accept them when they lack the willpower to accept themselves first?
Love yourself, and you will be able to love others as well. Likewise, if you are able to love others, they can choose to love you far more easily.
I don't know why people choose to love. I just know that they do. This includes myself. I want to love only because I feel the need to. And it's killing me inside, while I work more and more.
"Because when you are truly loved, you are not a means to an end! You are the end!" ♥️