The Rubinshteinic Critique Towards "Healthy Masculinity"

Two masked figures in red, one writing in a notebook. Dim, purple-lit room with a large window. Intense, mysterious atmosphere.

Masculinity is not something given to you, but something you gain. And you gain it by winning small battles with honor. -- Norman Mailer

Introduction

Healthy masculinity refers to the idea that men can be emotionally expressive, have female friends or mentors, and express their emotions without feeling emasculated and/or dehumanized.

It is a term that aims to fight against what is known as toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity is the dominant form of masculinity wherein men use dominance, violence, and control to assert their power and superiority. I will provide sources in the end.

Although I am not a sexist, as I debunked sexism's reasoning, this article will be focusing on men. That's because many societies may value gender roles, and I'm not writing to myself.

What does it mean to be a man?

Although it may be different from country to country, it seems like many people, regardless of nationality, have a "clear" understanding of what a "true" man is.
That might be the traditional man; The stoic, dominant, and often silent man. A man who speaks only when he deems it necessary/imperative.
The "real" man is of "higher value" and may be more respected and attractive.

The "real", "high value" man is defined mainly by virtue. He may be "real" and "high value" even when he is a very specific individual.

In more orthodox-contexts, He is the one that provides for his family. The worker, the manager, and the family man.
In unorthodox contexts, he is an overall good man; a man who lives and aspires for virtue.
Note: What is seen as virtue is subjective, although many virtues can be agreed upon as if they are "objective". That is why, for that matter, philosophers focusing on virtue ethics can be good politicians, but I digress.

Even if he's not physically violent, people might be intimidated by him. He is more respected, than loved. Perhaps, women, especially, would respect than love him, with the exception of a love interest. People may experience "violence" from him, merely due to their own unconscious problems that prevent them from understanding him.

Personal Reflections

As I got more confidence in life and as I trained in ruthless asceticism, the world began appearing less violent. Far less. That is, even though my life was rarely threatened.

I was described by someone, once, to be "violent", even though I do not lay hands on anyone. I presume they were referring to the fact I might not be sensitive. I restrain myself on purpose. Both in body and mind. I must do so for my ambitions. I also prefer to avoid battles and confrontations with people. I am a man who enjoys seeking peace from within and from without.

My Issue with "Healthy Masculinity"

I believe that masculinity is gained through virtue ethics, not entirely/solely through emotional expression.

I believe that the more we grow up mentally, the less often we express emotion.

I believe masculinity is gained by growing up mentally, which has to do with giving up on our egos.

I believe "true masculinity" is not a matter of emotional expression but a matter of discipline.

I claim that "Healthy Masculinity" normalizes infantile behavior.

I do not find, for that matter, whining, or throwing temper tantrums, a product of masculinity.

Being able to take responsibility for one's actions, for that matter, can "objectively" be seen as more masculine than raw, filter-less emotional expression of the self in settings where such things are unreasonable.

"True Masculinity" can take many many times to master. "Healthy Masculinity" is about accepting yourself to the fullest, without necessarily seeking self-development.

Self-development, however, is the key to true health, as demonstrated in physical training.

To develop oneself, one must be displeased with his current version of himself. One, instead, has to aspire to be the best version of themselves, to attain what is deemed as masculinity.

Case Example: Interviews

Let's say you're going to an interview. To raise the chances of getting the job, you must provide satisfactory answers. You must be biased towards yourself and towards the very skills necessary for you to pass the interview with flying colors.

Even when the interviewer detects a problem in your details, you should not merely express your emotions just because your emotions are there. You must, instead, demonstrate proper behavior and work ethic. What is deemed "proper" always has to fall on the other side.

I do not find it healthy to express one's emotions without restraint, when such a thing depraves you of work opportunities.

Addressing Toxicity

The problem I find with the conception of toxicity, is that sometimes, sacrifices must be made. Not of people, necessarily. Rather, of one's vices.

Toxicity is subjective to the eye of the beholder.

"Toughness" is a virtue.

Therefore, the tougher you are, the less toxicity you may experience from others.

Note: Toxicity can have its perks when it is used to make oneself stronger. Case example: Listening to Eminem's music from a very young age.

Addressing a Variant of Toxicity, "Toxic Positivity"

That also includes any other thing that is deemed "toxic", such as "toxic positivity".

"Toxic positivity" is when the emotions of someone are "cancelled" by others. Cancelled in their legitimacy, I mean.
When you may be told that there's no need to be dramatic, or no need to be so sensitive, that's toxic positivity.

However, what if such sayings are true? Sometimes, logic can be cold like that.

Sometimes sayings like "There is no need to be sensitive" or, "Cool down!" come from pragmatic approaches, not necessarily from the ill intent of diminishing what you feel. Case Example: Mr. O. C. Isaac's Taxi Driver story.

Conclusions

By being more assertive, and reasonable as well, you might be able to surpass others' little-to-no regard of your emotions.
The development of virtue, rather than self-acceptance, is the key to gain respect and admiration in this non-rectified world.
When in distress, you should to explain yourself logically and honestly.