How Emotionality Made Me an Anti-Villain - My Anti-Villainous Ethics
Updated: 3 days ago
(2023 Note: Please mind the date this article was published in. Much have changed. And I became even more anti-villainous).
An Anti-Villain is a being who is noble in character, but may be darker in behavior in actions. It is a subversion of villainy, as it combines a code of conduct and ethics. This moral behavior guides their character to be evil and still restraint. Like with the Bushido Code, the purpose of morality is to restrain ourselves. The same goes for the anti-villain. The concept of anti-villainy teaches us that there is a distinguishing between action and character. Between doing and being. It is why ad-hominem exists, and why a noble character can still be a warrior who only spares the weak, like Troy, an antagonist from Suikoden IV.
Darth Vader is an example of an evil character who also follows a moral code of his own, and despite his evil-ness, shows mercy to his son, Luke Skywalker, by killing off his Sith master, Emperor Palpatine. As such, Darth Vader is not pure-evil, and no anti-villain can be pure evil. Ironically, the Sith philosophy allowed him to become strong enough to defeat his malevolent master.
My experience with the National Service has proven that I am not good with people if these people may either treat me coldly, yell at me, or insult me. And deep inside, I know what I'm capable of. Hence why I have a moral code of my own, to restrain myself.
Since it is common to treat people badly in a morally depraved society, I isolate myself partially from the world, in my quest for better mental health. I need good mental health to work and build my article empire.
However, what makes society in general an alienating place to live in, is that it lacks the emotional excitement that I have in my partial isolation. The "common" man and woman follow the norms to either preserve their livelihood, preserve their social standing, or both. They might lack the resolve necessary to oppose it, even if it goes against them.
And still, you need to behave properly so you won't lose your job, and you need to behave properly so people will not think of you as weird. Therefore, proper emotional behavior is one of the ways society preserves itself. It's done both professionally and culturally.
Some call it "The Rat Race," the compromise of the self in order to get what that self needs to stay alive -- money, good relations, and even love and family. Hence, in romantic love, much compromise is needed because, as the saying goes, It takes two to tango.
But if the norms will get in my way, I will crush them. It what makes me capable of evil. Because the norms do not necessarily care for me, nor care if I suffer. If they are an obstacle, I will go past them.
Collaboration is necessary for survival for most of humanity, and if you will not collaborate, you might suffer more, and have less in life, since people need each other to an extent (unless you're a total hermit in the woods or somewhere else in the wilderness).
Have you ever wondered why some people -- or maybe even you -- might miss their childhood? It's not only because we have less responsibility as children, but also because the world is probably more forgiving of our actions. It's also part of nostalgia bias, but I digress.
After all, it is okay for a child to be childish or nonsensical, for that is the phase in their lifetime that is accepted in that way by general society. However, as a man or woman, you are expected to behave and act accordingly, or else you might be outcast or an outsider.
I too have been an outcast. The fact that I live on disability money means, in theory, that I am an outcast for not needing to be a part of general society (at least financially).
My government understands, I believe, that I am more incompetent than a "normal" person when it comes to being a part of the so-called "Rat Race". It's why welfare exists.
There is still "dictatorship" in the world's democracies, simply because we do not choose all of our authorities. We mainly choose our politicians, but not our law enforcers, teachers, or bosses.
Therefore, they are, at least technically, "dictators" of their own, like I am a "dictator" of this site, and like a landlord is the "dictator" of a rented apartment.
We didn't choose them, but since they have legitimate authority, we must conform. Therefore, unless you live totally alone, there really is no such thing as "absolute democracy".
My point is that there could be evil within order as well. When said "dictators" can use their authority for the bad, by oppressing others. By oppressing those who they do not like or who are too different. And as authorities that literally dictate the norms, the norms themselves could be evil or at least morally fallacious.
Even some of my own teachers... described themselves as dictators, which is a shame to call oneself that in a democracy and in Israel, a country of people who have escaped tyrants throughout their history... Who escaped WW2.
In theory, the joy of emotionality is more difficult to find in general society than it is in solitude, for solitude has greater freedom than in any other social construct.
You might still be confined to the rules of your local authorities, but when you are alone in your living space, that is when you have the most freedom (or, again, in the wilderness). This is why you can truly be yourself when alone, and not necessarily in society. The only other case where it is wise to be truly yourself, without filtering, is in true love.
Society, at large, does not love honesty. Not at least your job interviewers, or any other people who might feel uncomfortable near you, once you are honest. The other reason why Ms. Chen is my personified nemesis, is because I was honest with her, even long before she called me... that cursed adjective. Irrelevant.
Unlike her, I am not an escapist. My desire to be relevant, keeps me from fully isolating myself from this world. And revenge is a natural evil. An evil desire that made me more accomplished in life, by getting a knowledge panel in Google. Just look me up.
School had taught me to practice one of my most hated things — repression. Repression of emotion, repression of opinion, and repression of behaviour. My educator was quite authoritarian, and when I told her of my melancholy back then, she asked me "Why aren't you keeping this to yourself?".
That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I dislike being social, and prefer being asocial. You are expected to repress yourself, for the comfort of others, even if there's nothing wrong, in theory, with your emotion at the time. In more masculine communities, men are not supposed to be overly emotional, and in some more extreme ones, they may even be condemned for crying and whining.
I might be wrong, and I won't hesitate to be corrected, but it seems to me that women and girls are allowed greater emotional freedom. However, since I was never a woman, I cannot know for certain. Either way, I know that being stoic is the way for success as a man, as the games of Tekken might teach us.
In a true moral and liberal society, where good will be advised and encouraged, people would not be too quick to dismiss and even reject others for who they really are, even if it makes them uncomfortable.
Thus, I became an anti-villain of sorts to society because, I don't really see a reason to absolutely conform. I antagonize the counter-productive norms. I do not fear emotions and honesty does not make me uncomfortable. Even if my mental health will deteriorate, I will lift it back up! All in the name of this empire.
But, unlike myself, you may not deem honesty a virtue.
I don't like being sensitive; in fact, I hate it. Hate it, because of you, humanity. Therefore, some measures needed to be taken.
My quest for vengeance against Chen, symbolized my "war" against hiding one's true emotions. That is, after all, why she removed me from her life several times. I know how painful they can be for others. They are no longer as painful for myself. I may minimize any emotion. From myself, to yours. I am too dead inside to care unless I have a good reason to.
My philosophy on emotions used to be very different. That is because I was an overly zealous and overly disciplined student at school. School made me a sad, fearful being, and at times, it made me want to kill myself. To this day, I believe that, if it weren't for public education, I would've been a far, far happier human being.
I even thought that repression was a good thing, as it allowed you to be more rational.
Ultimately, repression broke my mental health, and in National Service, I was once again suicidal, both because of the nature of the menial tasks, and because of my silence. People cared only because they had no desire for taking responsibility. Nor helping with empathy, too. Pathetic.
In order to prevent my ultimate collapse, I decided to fail at the service. Hence why I retired prematurely.
The immorality of society could serve as reason, why indeed, emotionality can turn people like me to antagonists and anti-villains. I am only an anti-villain because I have no desire to be bad and abusive as others were to me. It makes me a honorable anti-villain, for my intentions are good.
And why I am a villain? Because I deem it moral to be vengeful, and because I deem it important to sacrifice my health for the greater good. There is nothing heroic about a dead-inside, robotic-like man. I am merely dead inside because I killed my internal world in cold blood because it stood in my way for greater success. It made me less logical. It made people belittle me. It made me physically handicapped for a year.
Why would I want or need these consenquences?
To fulfill my desire for a good life, I murdered the person I used to be, and shaped a new one in its stead. For I understand most of humanity will not want my company if I emote. It takes bravery to handle the emotionally reactive. So, I did what needed to be done. I rarely feel anything nowadays.
It is what you want, whether you have the courage to admit it or not. Most of you may lack the courage or desire to handle people who have emotional outbursts. It just goes to show how conditional you are. And conditionality contradicts deep, meaningful connections. It could also be the reason many of you ghost.
And as an anti-villain I have no desire to have too many friends because many people are too cowardly to form unconditional connections. I will only fulfill your conditions if it suits my intentions. And for that I needed to dispose of my dysfunctional emotionality. Your emotional problems are not mine. Handle with them. I handled with my own.
My nemesis said I did nothing wrong when I asked her. I am too moral to be like her. But, I will never be like the heroic figure I could've been. The one that can easily forgive. The one that could've remained Tom.
I am Mr. Tomasio. I am too vengful to lead a life of greater peace. And I will always be hungry for more success because the philosopher is never truly pleased. Once the philosopher is permenantly pleased, he will have nothing left to philosophize for. For philosophy is about seeking what one does not have.
As such, being satisfied is ironically against my anti-villainous ethics. I am cursed by my own ambition.
I care little if I suffer, as my gradually-increasing, positive impact on this world is working. I care not if murdering my emotions was bad. I care not if miniziming other people's emotions is bad if it harms my work.
Many people are cowards. But I live to serve many people.
And as long as I am alive, I will always come back again.
