How Life Is a Task (Short Monologue)
Updated: Sep 18
Many people see life as something to be desired, something that's there to be enjoyed. Listen to my short monologue, however... Look both ways.
I find no joy in life. In fact, I haven't found joy in it for about a decade.
For me, life isn't to be desired. Life is to be done. Completed. Accomplished. Fulfilled.
It is done through hard work. Work builds not only products, but people. It can give much benefit for others, and helps successors obtain a better future than that of their predecessors/ancestors. These successors can ensure that the work will bring benefit even after a creator's death.
Because for me, life is just a task to be carried out. Nothing more. A mortal debt I wish to repay.
I [September 2023: no longer am, fortunately] a prisoner of my own physical disability who gave up on this world for hermitage.
Why would I live life voluntarily? Why would I depend myself on desire, and not on needs? The needs of myself, the needs of others?
I instead force myself to live. I disciplined myself enough to disregard my own willpower, acting either way.
The pain, the naturality of trauma. All have been haunting me for about 10-20 years. They hurt me in accordance.
I yearn for the day when my task in this reality will finally come to an end. However, I refuse to hasten it. I want the resignation from life to come naturally. And only naturally.
It's just pain and misery. As weird as it sounds to you. Asceticism changes you.
I take great solace in the notion that we are not immortals. This means I have no reason to take my life and work lightly.
Only eternal silence might come next.
Until my mortal contract is done, I will leave myself no choice, but to live. And to me, living means work.
I've been keeping a lot of people away by simply existing. Is it... vibrational energy? My verdict of being? Either way, I see little reason to expect any degree of affection from anyone, instead resorting to be a relentless altruist.
I only know that there is work to be done. Work that I designate it to be such. And that I must work in order to justify my potential in the world.
Love/affection are the nectars of life. They can make one feel truly alive. Beyond that, I feel... usually nothing. Silence from within. Like at a graveyard at night.
Yet, I care not. I will live either way, by consent, if not by desire.
I only felt alive very rarely. When it was, I was the happiest I had been in a whole decade. Yet, it's just an emotion for me. Not a purpose.
It will all be over one day either way. I no longer find dread in it. In mortality. In the eternity fallacy. And the only thing I really seek doing is philosophy.
And like with a real work shift, I just want to get this over with. Just, so I would be able to return back again. And again, and again.
Beyond love, I want nothing more, nothing less other than my purpose as a writer to help others. I only live for these.
I will live by consent and not by desire, and I will live either way.
Until then, do not stand in my way. For it is unwise to do so with depressed people. Be wiser. Be better. I just want to be mainly by myself. I am an asocial man who mainly cares for philosophy and little else. I have abandoned society a long time ago.
When you have no love from this world, you instead seek respect as a substitute. When you live either way, you wouldn't need to depend yourself as much on externalities as a hedonist would.
Religious people may claim that we all came here for a purpose. That we are here for a "tikkun". And that it is the choice of a divine power, whether one is to live or to die.
Seeing life as a task has the power to give you purpose, and purposefulness, often found in philosophy, can lead to hope. Have purpose, and life can be endured far better. Those who can't live without meaning, need hope.
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