My Secret Life as a Bipolar Woman's Guardsman
My Secret Life as a Bipolar Woman's Guardsman
One man with truth on his side is stronger than a majority in error, and will conquer in the end. -- Philip Schaff
I'm not mad. All I want to do is to create the perfect moral soldier. Not for power, not for evil, but for good. March out of my laboratory and solve every problem, every issue, every dispute, until the very last the Pax Ethica is achieved, and the world shall be thank me in humble gratitude -- Master Numi, 2003
The reason why I am so mysterious is because I have 17 years of unconventional security. Much of my research as a philosopher is also because I was busy guarding my mother for much of my life.
In 2007 I purposefully chose to save my late master in order to prevent a chain reaction of harm in her family.
I was only 10 when I did that. It was so massive, my heroic act, that I remained in utter obscurity for most of my life, recovering, traumatized and confused.
I suffered from amnesia as a result for literally 18 years. It is quite hard to speak of such things under amnesia. Only... only I was there.
In that very same year, Master Numi asked me to guard and take care of my mother, in a secret phone call.
Having extremely high regard for morality all my life, I agreed to Numi's proposition.
My mother suffers from bipolar. She will always suffer from it. There is no cure to the cursed mental disease.
Acting strategically ever since the age of 10, I grew up extremely fast as a result.
It is not easy to undertake such a difficult task, especially in the very same year where I literally prevented a chain reaction of deaths.
A lesser child would escape his late master's attempt. Furthermore, a lesser child would refuse guarding the bipolar.
Had I not saved Numi, my life would've been different.
Had I not studied under her, as a child, my life would've been different.
Yet, it was my choice, all along, to commit an act of heroism, and then to guard the very person that triggered it.
Also, it was my choice, to forgive the very person that caused the horrible incident.
As a child, I've let my personality be shaped by her. The "mad" master turned me extremely disciplined and extremely philosophical.
Had I not done so, I would likely have ended up in the criminal underworld. However I always refused to do crime, despite growing up in a criminal neighborhood.
I chose the right thing to do all my life, for as long as I could.
My ethics are intuitive, and are advanced by default. Furthermore, I did not have the ego to tell much. My modesty was so profound I have ended up mysterious even to my own extended clan.
I've started up this article empire to be relevant, for my life as a single bipolar woman's guard was extremely though. A lesser guard would've gave up.
Can YOU imagine yourself saving a life on purpose, and then guarding the very same culprit, on purpose?
The answer, most likely, would be no.
I've spent much of my life in front of computers because it is what guards do. Guards research. Guards patrol. Guards train. And most of all, moral guards ensure there are no battles. Finally, genius guards can be so calculated that they apply unconventional stratagems to ensure there are no battles fought in the first place!
Both my mother and my late master had the best man they could ever had! The average person would been a slave to their whims and not care about such dire obligations. I cared, however.
I have guarded her much while she was resting. Furthermore, I trained in ruthless asceticism, while under amnesia, fatigue, and PTSD. I've built myself on dark content to make myself tougher. I used video games as a tool for research and simulations. I applied rationalist epistemology, and rarely traveled in my life because I chose to guard her all the way.
Much of my life as a result was spent online. Very quickly, I turned asocial and anti-social as I quickly avoided people and sabotaged many possibilities of social interactions.
Guards don't socialize. Guards focus on the target's safety. Guards spend their days honing not only their bodies but their minds as well, so they can be sharp.
Philosophy was and is a great way to prevent your brain from getting rotten. Furthermore, guards don't seek fame. Guards can lie low so much, people often forget they exist, and/or many details about them.
I spent much of these 17 years, from 2007 to 2024, in voluntary solitary confinement. It is clear to me how damaging it can be to your brain. Philosophizing helped my brain not only stay sharp, but also recover.
No one else guarded her. My chosen and embraced purpose was unique early on. I did not take security courses. I am an auto-didact in most of what I do. After all, knowledge is power, and I did all I could to use that power for good.
The fact that I was treated as a distinct individual, prevented people from understanding my connection to my late master, and to the reason why I lived with my mother for many years. Furthermore, it is quite hard to make sense under amnesia and heroic PTSD.
In chess, the King appears helpless. The King rarely moves, and that is why it is hard to conceive the king's top significance in the bigger chessboard. However, when your significance is that of a king, everything else collapses. As such, had I risked myself too much, it would compensate the task I was given.
The guard always knows he doesn't live in a vacuum. A good guard has an interconnected understanding of reality. A strategic guard will rarely use brute force. Instead, he would appear as "helpless" as a king in chess, while influencing the world around him per the tasks he was given by his commander.
My commander in this case was Numi, who also defined me as a king. Her king.
For most people, guarding is lonely as heck and also boring. A true guard must be focused and disciplined.
The enemy of my mother was simple: Her bipolar disorder. I understood even back in 2007, when I was 10, that my job is to ensure she rests. The more the bipolar woman rested, the more she would be able to deal with her bipolar more effectively...
I did much unconventional training, mostly by myself. I went out for immensely large walks, studied independently, and sabotaged my personal, conventional success and ended up an early retiree as a result.
In 2018, I decided to stop my academic studies and also the office job I had, in order to resume my mission. I did not work ever since. This makes me a retiree. I retired... when I was 21. That's right.
A most difficult job, I also decided to retire from humanity in 2020. However, trouble brewed as no one understood why would I become a hermit at such a young age.
Furthermore, bipolar hurts your memory, alongside your brain in general. Furthermore, I still suffered from severe PTSD.
Being a guardsman, I don't have social skills. The label "autism" fails to conceive me because autism is a spectrum. Furthermore, I am not an autist but an Asperger's. The term Asperger's is not officially known anymore, yet this is what I am regardless of the DSM (Diagnostical and Statistical Manual For Mental Disorders).
My expensive knowledge always surprised people because it was hard for them to conceive how in the world would a solitary man like me know so much and at such a young age. I am like Monsieur Chouchani.
Highly competent guardsmen deserve to be educated. I sabotaged my academic career because I despised the social interactions and found them disrespectful to the study material at hand. Furthermore, it were the same social interactions that I despised in school, and I despise social interactions in general.
Good soldiers don't socialize. Good soldiers follow orders. Genius soldiers study the art of war by Sun Tzu. Genius soldiers run simulations and are auto-didacts. Genius soldiers do not kill time for fun or pleasure. Genius soldiers deny and criticize hedonism. Genius soldiers live and train in self-ruthless asceticism. Genius soldiers surprise you only when demonstration is needed.
Otherwise.. they lie silent. Genius soldiers understand not only the physical but also the very same abstract ideas which the physical reality is made of. Genius soldiers are not friendly. Genius soldiers hide in plain sight and ignore you unless you might serve as a distraction. Intentionally... or otherwise.
Suffering from loneliness, the genius guardsman would form unconventional networks to ensure his mind is occupied. Furthermore, guards deserve hobbies when guarding is not needed (AKA, time off).
This massive article empire is a hobby I enjoy taking extremely seriously. Writing so much is a good way to maintain your cognition while your target rests.
The target, codename "Laurel", only understood my true purpose in 2024, the final year I guarded her, during a literal war.
It was in that exact year I recovered from my amnesia. "Laurel" cried and thanked me for my years of service. Finally, I suggested she will be under psychological supervision. "Laurel" agreed.
Later on, I forgave "Laurel" for her misdeed. Unfortunately, it is highly unlikely she will be able to forgive herself for what she did to my late master. However, my late master cared for her, hence why I was given the secret request to guard "Laurel". Late master wanted her safety, and seemed to know that she is not her bipolar. It is of course something I knew all along, too, as her guardsman.
She wasn't the enemy. Her bipolar was.
Glad I took care of the enemy within her. As hard as it was, and as long as it took, the mission was a great success.
After 17 years I am finally free of this most difficult duty.
I shall keep doing what I do best: work on my empire, and use it as a platform to rectify the world!
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