The Autistic "Rune of Punishment" -- How To Overcome Punishment Using Redemption
Updated: Jun 15
(2023 Note: Now that I compared myself to other autists, I've realized I have Asperger's Syndrome, which can be considered part of ASD, or the Autism Spectrum Disorders. I, however, am no longer sure if I am indeed an autist, even though I was diagnosed with both Asperger's and ASD. Please, take this article with a grain of salt, as I expect you to do, with any of my articles).
Introduction
To those who have still not understood: if you find my communication to be bizarre, dramatic, or even condescending, it is not because I intend to sound like that, but because I am autistic.
If it weren't for communication therapists, I might as well have remained without the ability of speech for the rest of my life. I am tired of being condemned for things I am not at fault for. Imagine having to speak and even think in some way people find odd, without any possibility of speaking and thinking in another fashion.
A society without enough inclusivity is one that unnecessarily discriminates and shuns people who could be useful for its development, and hinder it from stagnation in various fields. Refusing to include the useful, which humans are grealty capable of being, would only discard further productivity when you prioritize values such as confirmity.
However, confirmity is not something everyone are capable of achieving as much as others, making me ponder about its importance beyond cultivating a herd mentality and oppressing the populace. However, some people can't just bend so easily to societal norms, when their faults can easily be criticized. And when you have a heightened sense of justice, common among the autistic, following the authority of those who refuse to understand you or contain your distress, can often feel like it cannot go unpunished.
For this, I like to coin the term, The Curse of Suikoden IV, or, The Autistic Rune of Punishment.
How a Video Game Taught Me to Communicate
You see, as a child, I rarely communicated with people, and have remained aloof by choice. All I craved was to get back from school and play Suikoden IV, the first time in my life I was exposed to actual depth in a world I hardly understood.
To many, it was a bad/mediocre game for various reasons. However, that specific game has taught me not only to appreciate depth of lore, but to also communicate. In fact, the game compelled me to learn the English language by myself, prompting me to become a better learner and writer.
It was a roleplaying game about political conflict between nations, but for me, it served as the basic ground for complex communication and interperspnal understanding. In solitude I spent much time analyzing the different characters, as shallow as some of them may be. From the hero and his destructive illness to the solitary and noble anti-villain.
The therapist taught me basic words and sentences, this game taught me the rest, even though it was in a language I needed translation for. But I translated each word independently of others so I would be able to know what's going on in the game. When you are determined and disciplined enough you can do much even by yourself.
Soon enough, thanks to Suikoden IV, I learned English almost proficiently, with the teachings of school becoming only secondary in their role, as I sometimes found myself teaching words my teachers didn't know. In first grade, I only knew a few words, and by sixth grade, I spoke and understood fluent English. In another game, that was multiplayer, I even set up a guild of over 50 players at its peak. But I digress.
A Curse and a Metaphor
The game had a feature that I'll use to capture my experience: the Rune of Punishment. This curse is inflicted on the Hero by mere circumstance... or destiny? It is a deadly weapon. To quote Suikosource:
...A True Rune that represents atonement and forgiveness and is always borne on the left hand of its host; this rune is a parasite that feeds off its host with fatal consequences: the rune has tremendous offensive capabilities; however, using them drains the bearer's life force, eventually to the extent that he or she turns to ash and their memories are locked away in the Rune; the Rune then transfers to the nearest available host.
Whilst it is still believed that the Rune of Punishment will grant standard True Rune abilities such as agelessness; there is no record of any of its previous bearers surviving long enough for this to be an issue.
Trigger its power, regardless of intention, and you will be punished. Even if you use it for good, it will always demand something in return.
It's a double-edged sword that makes you contemplate if using it is even worth considering. It consumes your health until death, and only then can it be transferred to another unfortunate soul – anyone who gets too close to the bearer. It's a permanent affliction, a disease with the power to devastate, but at a terrible cost.
For myself, I see the Rune of Punishment as a powerful analogy for two things: my unique way of communicating, and seeing and how my communication, even if used for good, could blow up in my face. Being punished by others is often unjust to me. But you can't realistically expect them to be good critical thinkers, judging right from wrong, "humans" from "Jennets", accurately choosing to reward instead of punishing.
The Burden of Misunderstood Intentions
Whenever I spoke to those who did not see my intentions, they would punish me with their words, scarring my mind due to their own misunderstanding. Should I sacrifice my mentality for the sake of pleasing others, it will deteriorate even further, as they seek to have fun, and not to learn nor improve their understanding of humanity's diverse spectrum of personalities.
At least by these terms exclusively, I am "cursed". Cursed by a society who actively seeks to feel intimidated and finding a reason to be insulted and feel attacked over my loyalty to honesty. And as long as they are pleased, many would care less about how I really feel and what I think.
I was taught at high school how to speak more commonly, and to keep my thoughts to myself whenever they cause discomfort to others. Whether I felt miserable and depressed, mattered far less in comparison to the wellbeing of my class. That is despite reality's theory of unity, connecting us all based on cause and effect. Causes are to be dealt with, or they'll poison you and others from the shadows. Keeping them to ourselves will not terminate them.
In the Name of Redemption
Society is ill and part of my solitude is to retain my health regardless of its self-destructive behaviors. To quote Indian philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti:
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”
It is no wonder there is so much suffering in this world. But I have no desire to partake in humanity's downward spiral to further illness.
For this Punishment Rune also has a forgiveness phase, allowing you to use it for good without having to sacrifice yourself. For as is irrational as it may sound, you should forgive those who have wronged you. For that can liberate you from much unneeded suffering.
Stop acting like a parasite to your body and mind. Use your intellect and heart to build a better world using your behavior. Show others light, and they might light you back from the darkness of despair. Human behavior can be contiguous.
Don't strive to be just, but strive to be wise. Don't expect others to even want to understand your point of view, while in reality they are busy defending their own point of view. You can't fire your way in your plans to turn a desert into a vast, sparkling ocean. No. The desert is already depraved of water. Fill that desert with much needed water. There is no need to overexert yourself when solutions can be made simple.
In order to reduce punishment, you must reduce punishing yourself. Work less on arguing why you're right and they are wrong. Many of them are too sensitive to accept being proven wrong. You can't only logic your way out of conflicts with beings not logical by default.
Negative. Each behavior requires an appropiate response. With your words, nurture the behavior you want in this world. Those who refuse working towards World Rectification, would only suffer due to their own shortcomings. Avoid feeding their shortcomings, as that would only strenghten the punishment you will receive by society. In reality, you might be wise enough to understand it should be decreased, and not increased. For their suffering could add to your own.
Show compassion, instead. Try to understand and contain others if you wish to be contained yourself. You cannot live in a more peaceful reality if you choose to mindlessly feed on the endless cycle harm and punishment.
Do not enable an Eternal Ordeal.
Try to avoid being a Double-Edged Sword.
And to not harm yourself to the Voice of Death.
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