The Sensitive Originator's Dilemma -- What I Chose
Updated: Dec 21, 2024
The Sensitive Originator's Dilemma
Anonymity is the loner's greatest ally, and thus loners are more inclined to lie low from the world. For you, lying low from the world might be seen as a misfortune. However, you might not realize that there are more perspective than yours, equally justified in their subjectivity...
You see, the more unknown you are, the less likely people will bother you. While some may observe social communication as fun, many others might perceive interpersonal communication as meddlesome in their attempts to rest, pursue their hopes and dreams, and in general, work on their fabric of happiness...
Whether your presence in the world is received positively or negatively, the mere fact that you are being received, and not being left alone, is the most basic indication that people care for you, even if that caring is ultimately hurtful. Apathy, after all, is strength when it lifts much excessive concern from your shoulders. It's called being carefree.
As such, when you are a bigshot, you might also find yourself the most concerned out of everyone involved in whatever organization you're part of.
For being horribly misunderstood, masterminds might find themselves bitter, stern and aloof, observing the utter incompetence of those they once had much faith in.
Actually good and genius leaders therefore may ask themselves why should they bother in the first place, being so sensitive about the learned helplessness of others. Not only about followers of course, but also of family, of lovers, and perhaps, of their own children as well.
It might make you feel utterly discouraged about a world who you might have in your heart, much desire and willpower to improve it. This utter inability of many to understand you, make you ask questions such as:
Other people might not want for you to care too much about them... If such a thing even exists, caring too much could lead to a spreading of misinformation, making you horribly misunderstood by more and more people. And as such, the very world you might want to care about, encourages you to be oblivious and numb about it.
Feeling forsaken despite the fact people just don't have the capacity to understand you like you might want them to, you might be tempted to resort to either a very painful life of trying to ruthlessly communicate yourself to others, or just impose hermitage on yourself, preventing yourself from wanting to open up to most people.
The more eccentric you are, whether by birth or by intention, the more likely your image will be received inaccurately as to who you really are, simply because people are often quick to judge. They might be more inclined to judge, than to understand.
In such cases, not only will you not be left alone, you will also be harassed from time to time by people who are too confident in their wrong assumptions towards you. In their lack of inner strength to break their own mental prisons, you might find yourself more and more anti-social in your behavior. Aggressive, full of rage, and so on...
Either way, if one is to become a public figure, such as an author, politician, philosopher, and so on, judgment, whether true or false, will haunt you from time to time. If you are introverted by nature, the reception will not always be easy, especially if you are sensitive.
If you, like me, are a sensitive person, and you wish to be known beyond the circles of friends, family, and coworkers, you must prepare yourself to the possibility that people will care about you, whether you like it or not, and no matter how that caring will be honored or utterly despicable. Furthermore, never expect most people the ability to understand you and your pain.
Either.... find a tribe to bias yourself to, or be left alone. Sometimes, that tribe is one person. Just one. You do not have to... be understood by the entire globe, when you can find refuge in the arms, mind and heart of just one.... That's true love.
I did not always want to be a philosopher. At first, I wished to become a hermit. I had fantasies of living alone, like I do now technically, with the exception of rarely communicating with the world. I used to wish I wouldn't have to communicate with anyone at all... However society is a necessity even when it is involuntary.
Because of the hardships I went through in school, when very loud screams were frequent on a daily basis, I craved for some silence and for the lack of social activities which were forced on me. I preferred studying alone and studied better on my own.
I realized that if I were to decide to be a hermit, it would be greatly problematic to the use of my skills. A life spent without utilizing my skills, is one whose thought about it renders me feeling guilt and shame.
When you're a full-time hermit, you are not very likely to be remembered... Or you might find yourself oppressed by others...
Therefore, the choice of being a hermit was a very difficult one to even consider, because it would be a great waste of both skill and time. I could've lived a more offline life, but that would entail not contributing to the world whatsoever. Yet... you see... my heart is very big, so I can't let go. I am not one who... likes becoming heartless. In fact, I don't know if I can EVEN BE heartless...
To be sincere, I appreciate the courage of politicians to forsake their private, small daily lives and become an authority greater than themselves; an authority that is within the sphere of a whole country. They did not have to do so, whether they craved for power or not.
They did not have to become a laughingstock in the eyes of the countless many of those whom they serve and those who they don't. It doesn't feel very good to be constantly laughed at, especially if you're sensitive. However, that is an inevitable possibility, if one wishes to be distinctive in such a way that shall exceed their anonymous lives for the sake of others.
Yet, in the end, whether you're as graceful as Gandhi or as tyrannical as Kim Jong Un, the thought of an utter lack of negative reception during a public period of endeavor is a very naïve, unrealistic one.
Sensitivity, therefore, can more often than not be a great obstacle in the path to public remembrance. Ruthlessness, therefore, is a virtue in that regard, but, either way, do not expect yourself to be well-understood. The precision of understanding is much at the responsibility of others...
If one wishes to become a public figure of any way, AKA, an author, an originator, founder or creator, one must fight against the sensitive desire to withdraw, to completely give up on an idea of which one wishes to lead and execute. Instead of being insulted, one should work on the fact that any reception is important enough, to serve as the evidence that you matter. You, and your work.
If Donald Trump wasn't a politician or even a businessman, but just a clerk or had any other low-status job, only few would pay attention to his thoughts, whether with respect or with mocking laughter. Just to be recognized for who you are, you often have to go through very great lengths.
We all live in public space and, unless we're imprisoned or institutionalized permanently, we all have a right to be present in said space, and also to express said presence in a way that doesn't overexert us....
Some may try to put down the presence of others for whatever reason they find legitimate to do so, but it doesn't mean you should always back down and act in accordance to shaming, bullying, condescending or any other form of hurting others intentionally. Feel free to express your thoughts, because ultimately public space is a free space, and is not at the authority of moderation that isn't local. Just... don't expect people to understand the underlying, hidden reasoning of why you express the things you express..
The other option is to succumb to introversion, an option that some may choose to do when they face adversity. There is great peace in full hermitry, as I have witnessed myself, but with it one must give up the likelihood of their own contribution to the world, and instead remain as insignificant as an ant in terms of being remembered.
Whether or not future generations of my siblings will remember me, I can say for certain that I rarely remember any of my ancestors... I only heard of their existence from my parents and grandparents. Beyond pictures and the locations of their graves, I have no recollection of their existence.
Even though I respect them for ultimately bringing me into the world, I can say for certain that I do not want to have the same fate of falling into obscurity....
I don't know about you, but I have made my decision in this dilemma: I will try to overcome my sensitivity, because in the end, it is nothing more than a counterproductive obstacle! I will give up on complete hermithood, as long as it will entail becoming bigger than myself!
And thus, I'll forever be forming and preserving a glorious legacy for generations to come! A glorious legacy for the interconnectivity of the world!
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