Why I Fear Disrespect of Family (And How to Be Happier)

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(Directory on Fear: https://www.philosocom.com/post/on-fear-and-the-right-to-resist-it

Directory on Children: https://www.philosocom.com/post/the-good-kid-and-the-good-parent

(Philosocom's Directory on Happiness)

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Ms. Tamara Moskal's Synopsis

Our family members can be good or bad company. The good company builds character, while the bad company can make us feel bad. The author's childhood was happy because his parents prioritized his well-being and growth.

Even a good family is flawed because perfection is hardly achievable. Demonizing people who care for us is a bias that prevents us from objectivity, and doing so makes us a bad company.

For a happier life, develop a holistic outlook, regard misfortunes as lessons for the future, and stay educating yourself. Children can be good company, motivating their parents to improve, like students and mentors.

The author values morality, people, and communities working towards the greater good. We should have faith in humanity, especially our loved ones, and take responsibility for our actions, disrespect, or ungratefulness. Doing so contributes to a peaceful reality for others and ourselves. It creates happy childhoods, happy parenthood, and happy people.

The author believes in a better world of forgiveness and morality. He wants his followers to read Philosocom out of their love for learning. We should be role models for our children, fight for their future, and teach them to do the same for others. 

The Complexities of Family

We all come from families, but these families can be as diverse as the people within them. Some families provide a foundation of love and support, a haven that nurtures our growth and prepares us for a bright/er future. Others, unfortunately, can be places of pain and abuse, jeopardizing our well-being, and making us their victims. Due to this vast spectrum of family experiences, this article will delve into my own perspective.

Being able to distinguish between good and bad company, in family included, allows us to develop a more ethical philosophy towards people. To quote Nauman Abid from Medium:

Company is something which builds your character and reflects your character in the society you live in. Your company differs you from others and makes you feel bad or proud with the passage of time. “Be careful of the company you keep”.

A Happy Childhood Despite Challenges

Despite my sensitivity that sometimes led to tears, my childhood was a very happy one. Even though my parents divorced, they prioritized my well-being. There were certainly clashes and moments of sadness, but their ultimate goal was, and remains clear: for me to live and grow happily.

A good company, especially a family, does not have to be ideal in order to be good. The fact that suffering and unnecessary drama may ensue does not mean that the company is necessarily bad. It is important to not demonize those who wish you the best and are concerned for your wellbeing. Demonization can be regarded as its own bias, and it is rarely accurate. It can impair our judgement and prevent us from seeing the bigger picture of reality.

Therefore, a flawed company is not necessarily a bad one, especially not in its entirety. Humans are flawed beings, and perfection is extremely hard to achieve on a regular basis, like getting a "strike" in bowling for a whole tournament. Don't fall victim to the Nirvana Fallacy, and think some people are futile because they are flawed.

When you see someone being committed to you and doing whatever they can for you, don't be quick to discard them. Do not underestimate the essence of loyalty, and be grateful for those who even bother to consider their loyalty to you. That way, you can avoid being a bad company yourself.

My parents' commitment extended beyond the divorce itself, and it is something not all parents do. I always tried to maintain good relations with both parents. Their dedication to my happiness outweighed any shortcomings. It's only when one becomes wiser, when they can learn to appreciate the optimistic side, and maintain an outlook more independent from the clutches of negative bias.

If you wish to be happier, and also more mentally stable, things like medication do not have to be the sole solution. You can do more things alongside medication to improve your situation. For example, you should also develop a more holistic outlook on your life, and aim to see the duality of the universe. You should be able to regard even the most unfortunate of distresses as a learning experience, not on the grim reality of this world, but also on what to do to prevent such distress from happening again. To quote Shimon Ben Zoma:

Who is wise? He who learns from every man, as it is said: “From all who taught me have I gained understanding” (Psalms 119:99)

Being alive can always be an opportunity to learn from something or someone, both on how to be and on how not to be. Overcome the idea that you are knowledgeable, and you can develop the habit of always being curious, for the practical purpose of creating the world, and relationships, you want to have. You cannot work nor maintain a good life if you don't learn.

When adults lose their curiosity as they grow older, this is where the dangers and the unintentional trauma may ensue. To prevent this, their confirmation bias, which tells them they do not require further study, must be overcome by an opposing force in order to prevent conflicts and even mockery.

The child, when he or she accomplishes their intelligence enough, can become an active force in helping the parents perform well in fulfilling the potential of their good company. The child mustn't be completely passive, for they have a role as well in this overall relationship. Not merely as a passive receiver of the parent's treatment, but also as a provider of wisdom that can guide the parent/s to make better actions. It is like a student and mentor learning swordsmanship together.

By aiming for the practical application of good potential, we can play the "blame game" less, atone for past mistakes, and work towards a harmonious future.

How Imperfection Can Be Valued

This concept of atonement deeply impacted me, as learned in a moral video game. Witnessing their efforts to repair any disrespect, and apologize created a powerful sense of respect within me. It was then I realized I should have faith in much of humanity. Not only people can do better, some actively try to do better. For me, this is more beautiful than any scenery out there.

I am not touched by visual beauty, like most people do. I am touched by moral beauty, the power of people, individuals and groups, to work towards the greater good. I am touched by people's potential, and resolve, to attain a greater "tikkun olam" or rectification of this flawed reality. I care less for the arts and for mountains and seas. I care far more about the potential of the human mind to achieve more and more of its power. Not for oppression, but as a means to craft a better reality. Power for me is but a means for ends that can be moral, as well as its mastery.

Develop the habit of having faith in people, and in those who are dear to you especially. Treat them like flowers to be grown, and witness as they blossom, and make you prosper, too.

When I insulted a parent, or when I was ungrateful for something meant for me it was always carried by shame, eventually. Further reflection allows us to understand what people deserve and what they don't. Morality is linked to logic, and so is justice.

Instead of believing the world is unjust and simply accepting it, we should use the power within us and become the opposing force of such a flawed reality. We shouldn't justify our actions, despite their depraved nature, just because many others perform them, too. We should take responsibility for our actions, and soothe the suffering we caused others. Doing so will create a more peaceful reality, and since we're also part of reality, the peacefulness we can create will benefit us, too! And in peace, we can grow happier.

Ultimately, by believing in people, by recognizing their good efforts, and by giving them the estimation they deserve, we, children, parents and people in general, can create, with time, a sense of unwavering good. Good, to create a happy childhood, and happy parenting, divorced or otherwise. Such behavior must be learned. The willingness to learn must be nurtured, and rekindled.

A Place For Good To be Nurtured

We can grow, and teach ourselves and others to spread goodwill to the world. It is both our egotistical and altruistic interest to do so, as that will benefit both others, and ourselves, eventually. Improve the state of another, and you can improve the state of yourself. Listen to the pains of others, and that can often be enough to reduce their pain, and allow them to grow beyond it, and perform their roles better. Never underestimate the power of a listening ear. To quote Leo Buscagila:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

To all my readers, constant and inconstant, I want you to read my site out of your own will. Love is done out of genuine desire. People commit to each other, not only out of force, but out of love. I want Philosocom to be a website where people will come to learn out of the love of learning about reality. After all, philosophy is best done out of the desire, or love, of wisdom.

And as I said, my favorite beauty is moral beauty. I am not power hungry. I am not ego-hungry. I am hungry for a better world. A world where humans can have faith in those who believe in them, and work towards their accomplishment. A world where mistakes are atoned and forgiven, and where the difficulties in it are overcome.

And it really starts, often, in the family. Strive to be a good role model, and teach your children to look up to you. Do not disappoint them. Do not bring them unnecessary grief. Do not break their hearts. Fight for their future, and you can teach them to do the same, for their future, and for the future of others, too!

Never forget that this is possible!

Ms. Tamara Moskal's Review

What is the perfect balance between emotion and logic regarding family matters? Should we strive to love unconditionally or use cool ethical logic, wanting the child to become moral, happy, and accomplished? What does happiness and accomplishment mean? These are the questions every caring parent will encounter, but only a few will find the answer, because "the golden ratio" in relationships does not exist. Also, parents and children differ in intelligence, innate abilities, dreams, and neurotypical or neurodivergent brains.  

Unconditional love will develop empathy in children, but will not necessarily shape a solid, moral, and independent character or help with psychological distress. Other thoughtful parents might opt for "tough love," based on reason and preparing a child for the challenges of adult life, but sometimes overlooking a specific child's abilities and preferences. This type of upbringing could result in a successful yet troubled adult.

What if social norms and acceptance do not always lead to happiness and success in adulthood? For some, they do, and for some, they don't. It takes high intelligence, unconditional love, educational skills, and an open mind to figure out the "golden formula" for a child to succeed, even if it means abandoning social approval of career, profession, or gender.

And now, view life through a child's eyes. Children, too, can be torn between the wish to please their parents and their unique personalities, which do not always fit in the world they are expected to fit in. Love for their parents commends them for obeying, causing an inner conflict of interest and suffering from being misunderstood and lonely.

People are not educated about having children as it's considered a fundamental human right and nobody's business. I see it as unlogical and unethical. The majority of human mental disorders result from a traumatic childhood. Such psychological traumas could be prevented if parents were knowledgeable, mindful of the unintended damage they can do, and financially capable.

Children's first company, their parents, should be conscious of being a fundamental key to better humanity. Otherwise, they shouldn't become parents at all.