On Forgiveness -- Why It's Hard To Forgive

On Forgiveness -- Why It's Hard To Forgive

Forgiving is one of the hardest things a troubled person can do for those who have wronged them. It is about letting go of the anger within you; the desire for vengeance, and just carrying on with your life, as you might try to ignore the hurtful impact of others.

It is like that because, life is filled with plenty of ungrateful, uncaring, and ignorant people, who wouldn't hesitate to make you suffer, as they themselves carry on with their lives, as if nothing happened at all. Apathy can be fairly common.

The thought of seeing the wrongdoers, resuming their lives like nothing, and seeing them without suffering any consequences for hurting you -- that notion either belongs to the wise or to the cowardly. The wise -- because they are able to contain themselves. The cowardly -- because they lack the b**** to do anything about being walked over.

As time went by I turned from a coward to a dark middle.

The wise are practical and see little reason to carry the past along with them, when doing so is impractical and unhealthy. There may be, however, exceptions. The cowardly, on the other hand, fear confrontation with their antagonists, and thus will let them hurt them, repeatedly, in the hope that they (the enemies) will finally leave them be.

Forgiveness is a decision that requires wisdom. In other words, it demands selectiveness, since forgiving the wrong people will only make them overlook you and your self-respect. They will thus treat you with shame and belittlement, all because they know you are too forgiving to pose a threat against them.

And if you are not a threat in their eyes, why would some of them treat you seriously? After all, emotional empathy is a limited resource. And you need a degree of intellect for cognitive empathy. As such, some do not have both. It would be foolish to believe that empathy is something that everyone is capable of in any way.

We are shaped by past. That includes myself. Some people are too foolish to understand what they are doing when meddling with other people. Likewise, some people do not know what they are in for, when they stand in my way. Since I've been too traumatized, and since I am not responsible for people's severe lack of insight, I have no remorse to make them regret bothering me. Experience is also there to punish us for our mistakes. And likewise, it is a mistake to cause me any more grief than I already experienced in life.

Why should I forgive when I can teach people the error of their ways? Just avoid making enemies in the first place, okay? Then, the need to forgive wouldn't exist in the first place -- if we eradicate the problem from the root, and avoid unnecessary aggressions towards those who didn't do anything to you. And disagreements are very poor excuses for the initiation of conflict. Hence why we should agree to disagree when we know we can prevent unnecessary suffering from both sides.

Schools have a very dumb philosophy when it comes to bullying and harassment. Just tell the teacher, and they'll take care of it, hopefully. I'm aware it's made to prevent violence, but the "real" world just doesn't work that way. There are different ways to deal with adult bullies we, as students, are not taught. There aren't cops on every street, unlike teachers in the courtyard, and thus you'll have to know when to make your antagonists leave you alone for good. Unfortunately, it is unwise to forgive them. There are other cases where you should not forgive so easily.

I guess the only reason I didn't get bullied much earlier as a kid and teen was because I was usually one of the tallest and widest people in the environment. The final two times it occurred at school were reluctantly solved through intimidation. Since then, people who once harassed me have left me alone. I could've gotten the teachers, but I felt too mature to do that any longer.

The intimidation factor helps people keep their distance from you, and thus not pick you a target. In the long run, when potential griefers see you as a problem strong enough to not meddle with, you in turn won't have to face the decision of forgiving them or not. Why? Because they can be smart enough as to not bother you.

On the contrary, if I forgave an idiot, they would continue to harass me, because they might not learn from their mistake, per their idiocy. So, what is the point, exactly, in forgiving people as a default policy of your life philosophy? Why forgive those who may be idiotic, apathetic, or both? Why forgive by default, when you can't tell the difference for sure?

If you want to be strong, you must forgive only those who deserve it. Only those who will not undermine you, if you'll forgive them. Forgiveness can lead to further abuse. And you are not a masochist, aren't you? Why let opportunities of suffering rise up so easily?

Only those who appreciate being forgiven should be forgiven. Only those capable of learning from their mistakes, should be forgiven. And even then, it is your choice. If a child keeps disrespecting their parents, forgiving him or her anytime would only give "justification" for their actions, because an unpunished brat is a brat who is dedicated to their "work" and ignorant enough to not fear disrespect of family.

The wiser amount of forgiveness, therefore, is one that will not make people walk all over you but instead respect you more and hopefully feel bad for what they've done. Forgiveness, therefore, should be moderated.

Forgive too little, and people will resent you and see you as obsessive; forgive too much, and they won't care to make you, once again, the butt of their jokes, a victim for their mistreatment. Practical forgiveness, therefore, lies in careful decision, and in the ability to raise awareness in the minds of the wrongdoers.

And, you should only forgive those who disdain causing unnecessary suffering in this world. They are the ideal demographic for forgiveness. Those who lack such disdain might be evil.

I am not inclined to believe that a divine entity literally forgives everyone for everything, as that contradicts the notion of heaven and hell. Otherwise, salvation wouldn't be a function in religions. After all, sinners are not forgiven and thus are to be put in eternal damnation, while those who have been forgiven would be rewarded with eternal grace.

If we are to put such realities aside and believe in reincarnation, then, if divinity forgives everyone with infinite compassion, there would be no karma at all. A healthy balance of punishment and forgiveness is, after all, the key to justice. Punish too little, and people would believe they lack many moral, civilized obligations. Punish too much, and you'll be seen as a tyrant, especially if you're in a position of leadership.

Thus, you shouldn't be as excessive with your forgiveness as you shouldn't be with your punishing. Ultimately, justice is about delivering a message, keeping people in line, and having them respect you as either an equal or above. Justice is about rectification for the greater good. It isn't about getting more power. It is about not having powers misused.

There is a reason why I refuse to forgive Chen, my overreaching antagonist, for seeing me as irrelevant. I've worked hard on my writing, sacrificed my mental well-being for my country, and answered thousands of questions on a site where I used to be active. Yet, despite all of this, along with the love I used to have for her, she chose to see me as disposable. All because I wasn't worthy enough in the eyes of the person I used to love deeply. Too unworthy to be kept in her life.

I don't expect a trophy; I just wish for recognition for trying, still wanting to contribute to the world. I could've lived off taxpayer's money entirely. I refuse doing so anymore. I refuse to be the underdog. The same underdog she made me feel so apathetically. She cared not for my suffering. She punished me for being honest. She didn't even regard my innate need to contribute to others.

I cannot forgive those who don't want me to be the better version of themselves, like I want them to be. For the loudest way to love someone is to allow them being the best versions of themselves. She punished me for being me. She made me feel that being myself is a sin. And she didn't care at all.

That is against my conscience. Do you like being spit at for whatever honest desire you have? I do not. But to expect an apology from just about anyone is too unrealistic. I do not expect myself to forgive her. And I do not expect her to forgive me for my unrelenting vengeance.

It doesn't make sense to forgive, when you will all benefit from my unsatisfied drive for victory. That I assure you as long as I am alive and capable of working on my material.

And without my sexually-transmutated drive for retribution, I would've been a poorer writer. Poorer philosopher. Poorer proofreader. Why discard that which helps me greatly to benefit you?

So hail Philosocom.